My Peeps

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

30 Day Challenge - FAIL

My 30 Photo Challenge has possibly turned into a 30 day challenge that will take 300 day challenge.  It has been a challenge to get my photo's up... A huge challenge to even be able to focus my thoughts towards finding the photos to post.  Its been one of those seasons.  I thought the 30 day challenge was going to be a nice way for me to unwind.  Think again.  The past several weeks have been overwhelming.  And the fact that its overwhelmed me is really MY fault.  I've let myself get caught up in everything... mentally and emotionally.  We won't even talk about my spiritual condition! Honestly, I've been feeling completely sorry for myself.  Allowing my mind to run through all the negative things happening around me.  Like, my mom who has been sick, mentally and physically, and in and out of the hospital.  The fact that I can't really help her - or force her to change herself or her circumstances is the most overwhelming.  Its frustrating to see someone killing themselves, wasting away the little bit of life that remains in their frail bodies.  On top of that, I've allowed myself to take on the heavy burden of "finding" a job.  To be transparent, I have a hard time knowing the balance between being a believer that God wants to bless me with all I want and need and going out and making those needs and wants happen.  Its a fine line that I haven't been able to come to complete understanding of yet.  A friend of mine bluntly called said this to me, "Go sit down, Martha!".  UGH. Should I be resting, preparing for the next season... which could very well be one that I will need to be rested to sustain my strength in?  How do I do that?? I'm still learning the balance of TRUSTING GOD and being a doer not just a sayer.  Anywhoo....

All that to say... I've been frustrated. Because I HATE HATE HATE to say I'm going to do something and not do it.  Even though my list of failed attempts is longer than I'd like to even acknowledge.  SOOOO - I've decided to give myself grace.  I will finish this 30 day photo challenge...but its not the most important thing in my world.  I will do it at my leisure.  Maybe that doesn't seem like much of a challenge to you, but for me, simply finishing it will be a hugely challenging accomplishment.

Thanks for hanging in there with me... any of you who reading my ramblings.  And those of you who picked up my 30 day challenge and have been able to keep up with it... Kudos to you!! Keep posting! I love learning about you!!

... The next challenge will be posted... Well, when I get to it. :)

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha! I'm also finding it incredibly difficult to keep my 30 Day Photo Challenge commitment- it might take me 300 days also but dangit I'm gonna finish it! :) Love u!